There is no shortage of concern about sex and relationships today.
Parents are concerned. Teachers are concerned. Church leaders are concerned. Young people themselves are often concerned too.
The rise of accessible online pornography, the sexualisation of culture, and unhealthy relationship models are real challenges. Ignoring them serves nobody and we know that silence doesn’t work.
But beneath all of our conversations about sex, relationships and faith sits an important question: What story are we telling?
Because the story we tell shapes the people we form.
If the dominant story is one of danger, failure and decline, then young people learn to approach sexuality with fear.
If the dominant story is one of shame, blame, and perversion, they learn to approach themselves with shame and disgust.
If the dominant story is that this sexualised culture is dominating and faith in Christ is losing, they learn to see themselves as victims of forces too powerful to resist.
Even when our intentions are good, we can accidentally communicate that the most important thing about sexuality is everything that has gone wrong.
The irony is that this approach rarely produces the outcomes we hope for because we can’t fight shame with shame.
Shame tells us that our failures define us. It whispers that we are too damaged, too compromised or too far gone. It convinces us to hide and keep things in the darkness.
And when shame becomes the dominant language of our conversations about sex and relationships, it doesn’t just affect behaviour. It attacks identity.
This is especially important for young people. Interestingly, the more we shame young men, the more we push them into spaces like the Manosphere (see our previous article about this if you’re unfamiliar with this concept).
Many young people already carry a complex mix of questions, experiences, mistakes, pressures and fears. Some are navigating exposure to pornography. Some are wrestling with relationships. Some are trying to make sense of the messages they receive from social media, peers, family, culture and faith communities all at once. Many arrive carrying immense amounts of shame already and they do not need more reasons to feel broken or disguting. They do not need adults telling them that if they have watched porn then they are bad, they need a way out and an invitation into vulnerability.
That’s why the hope of Jesus needs to be what we lead with.
The story of Scripture is not primarily about human failure. Human failure is certainly present, but it is not the centre of the story. The centre is God’s relentless commitment to restore and is fundamentally a story of hope – praise God for this!
And this hope should shape the way we talk about sex and relationships.
Of course we need to name the challenges and understand why they are harmful. Pornography distorts expectations and relationships, it acts to rewire our brains and it is one of the top contributors to human trafficking and sexual violence. Young people need to know this so that they can make informed, safer choices.
But naming the problem is not the same as making the problem the centre of the story.
Too often, Christian conversations about sexuality can become trapped in the middle chapters.
We spend so much time describing what is broken that we never fully articulate what is beautiful.
We become experts at warning people what to avoid but less confident in describing the life they are being invited into – the privilege at their fingertips that is Christ . Yet a life following Jesus isn’t sustained by fear, it’s led by hope, grace and His presence.
People change when they catch a glimpse of something worth pursuing and we see this all the time in our workshops.
Sexual discipleship is not simply teaching people what not to do. It is helping people learn what it means to follow Jesus with every part of their lives, including their bodies, desires, relationships, and sexuality. It is about a young person’s spiritual formation and helping them become the kind of people who know who they are and whose they are. And like all discipleship, it cannot thrive in an environment dominated by shame.
Nobody learns to follow Jesus in a healthy way by constantly being reminded of their failures. Growth and true change happens when people know they are loved first.
Shame asks, “What’s wrong with you?”
Discipleship asks, “Who are you becoming?”
This is why hope matters so much.
Hope reminds us that mistakes do not have the final word because healing is possible. Some of the greatest moments in the workshops we run on the harms of pornography are the sharing of stories that center on the transformation found in Christ. It emphasises to the young people that no one is beyond God’s grace, that God is real, and that freedom is available.
Young people need honesty about the challenges they face. They deserve adults who are willing to speak truthfully about pornography, sexual pressure, exploitation and unhealthy cultural messages.
But even moreso, they need a compelling vision of life with God.
Because the goal of sexual discipleship is not merely to help young people survive culture, but to become culture changers. People who embody a different way of living and loving.
The challenges are real, but the hope is greater.
So perhaps the question is not simply, “How do we help young people avoid harmful influences?” The better question is, “How do we help them see the hope that God has placed before them?”
People rarely change healthily and sustainably when they are driven by fear. They change when they discover that God’s restoration is for them. And that is a story worth telling.
What now?
Our Year 7 and 9 workshops empower students to critically explore the harms of pornography and the sexualisation of culture, grounding their understanding in a Christian worldview that affirms sex as God’s good gift. It equips them with the skills, confidence, and conviction to challenge harmful influences and take practical action for compassion and justice in their communities. All of our school programs come with consultation with our team as well as pastoral care sessions for before and after the workshop to ensure the students are supported as they navigate these conversations.
School leaders and parents and guardians can book this workshop for their school or church community, alongside our dedicated Parent & Guardian Workshops, which prioritise partnership by equipping you to lead these conversations at home with confidence and care. Each program includes a comprehensive resource bundle (parent letter, follow-up questions, and our So, Where Do I Even Start? Parent & Guardian’s Guide) and an interactive workshop covering cultural influences (from pornography to purity culture), your role in sexual formation, how and when to have “the talk,” what your young people are being taught, and a live Q&A panel.
Find out more below:
