Modern dating often feels complicated. Not because people are doing everything wrong, but because the underlying assumptions are unclear.
Many relationships today are shaped more by feelings than by intentionality.
So instead of asking, “Who are we becoming?”, we often ask:
- “How do I feel right now?”
- “Is this meeting my needs?”
- “Do I like this person today?”
Feelings matter, but they are not enough to build a relationship on. They change with the weather!
The problem with self-focused dating
In many modern relationships, the focus is inward and often about personal satisfaction, emotional fulfilment and immediate connection
But relationships that only ask “What am I getting?” often struggle to ask: “What am I giving?”, “What are we building?”, and “What future are we moving toward?”
Christian dating invites a different posture.
It asks:
- Who am I becoming as I date this person?
- Who are they becoming?
- Are we growing towards or away from Christ?
This shifts dating from consumption to spiritual formation.
Why intentions matter
Intentions don’t mean having your whole future mapped out. But they do mean being honest about why you are in a relationship at all.
If the main reasons for dating are: “They make me feel good”, “I don’t want to be alone”, “They’re fun right now”, then the relationship is likely being carried by feelings rather than direction.
And feelings change.
That’s why clarity matters early, not to rush commitment, but to ensure honesty and unity from both parties.
A better question to ask
Instead of, “do I like them?”, try: “Is this relationship moving toward something healthy, honest, and God-honouring?”
Because dating is not just about the present moment, it is also about trajectory too.
Why this matters in Christian relationships
Christian dating is not just about avoiding “wrong” behaviour. It’s about building relationships that reflect something deeper: character and a united long-term pursuit of Christ.
And that means being willing to ask uncomfortable but important questions early for the greater purpose!
Next in this series
In the final article, we’ll explore what the Bible actually says about love, relationships, and dating and why understanding different kinds of love changes everything.
What now?
If this has raised questions for you, you’re not alone. These conversations about Christian dating, relationships, and faith can be complex, and they’re exactly the kind of things we unpack in depth in our church young adult workshops. We create space to explore what it looks like to date with wisdom, navigate relationships well, and keep Jesus at the centre of it all in a way that’s honest, practical, and grounded in faith.
If you’d like more content like this, follow us on social media where we regularly share insights, reflections, and tools for navigating faith, relationships, and life in a way that actually makes sense of the real world.
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