Are you a woman who’s noticed that you become more sexually aroused during certain weeks of the month? Perhaps you struggle to understand why your libido feels so high despite being single or navigating boundaries in dating? Or perhaps you’re married and trying to figure out why some weeks all you can think about is sex, while during others being touched is the last thing you want?
As women, while we are often quite familiar with our hormones in terms of our menstrual cycle, we can often shy away and blush at the thought of talking about hormones and sexual desire! However, this is a relevant and real part of the hormone cycle that few women know much about.
So let’s get clear on what we are talking about!
The menstrual cycle is the sequence of events through which an egg is released from the ovary, develops within a follicle, bursts out and travels to the uterus. If the egg is not fertilised it leads to menstruation. In a few words, the entire process of the menstrual cycle revolves around ovulation, with the egg as the star of the show.
Sexual desire, also referred to as sex drive or libido, is the subjective feeling of wanting to engage in sexual activity. Libidos can fluctuate as a result of hormones, other aspects of our wellbeing, and the environment or people we are surrounded by. Sexual arousal is the physiological and psychological (body and mind) response to a sexual stimuli, that is something that “turns you on” or makes you “horny”.
If we look at the flow of hormones throughout the cycle, everything is directed towards getting the egg fertilised. This naturally leads our bodies to release hormones that make us feel increased levels of sexual attraction towards others.
If you experience menstruation, you may feel increased sexual desire around the time of ovulation – whether or not you are in a relationship. This can leave us confused about how to navigate through this, especially when trying to live a godly life and avoid things like premarital sex or pornography. Physical boundaries and avoiding lust can be super hard because our hormones can feel like they are working against us!
This topic has come up in many conversations I’ve had with friends, particularly when it relates to our dating lives. In my experience, understanding the role that hormones play in my libido has helped with setting boundaries, knowing the intricate design that God has for our bodies, and simply understanding how I feel throughout my cycle.
So to answer the question,
“Why is my sexual desire so inconsistent? Are my hormones to blame?”
In short: yes they are. And it feels inconsistent because it is! Well, sort of. Your hormones change periodically over your menstruation cycle, usually about a month. While there is a pattern, a month is a long time so these changes can feel unpredictable. The good news is that for a healthy cycle, you can usually predict these hormone fluctuations pretty easily. Although there is limited research in this space, there is some evidence indicating that our libido changes throughout our menstrual cycle and peaks during ovulation. Put it this way – during ovulation your egg is ready and waiting to be fertilised. Because of this, your body wants sex to do just that!
In the coming weeks through this series, we will delve into how our hormones affect our sexual desire which we hope will help you steward this part of your life well. We will then explore what the Bible says about sexual desire and how we navigate relationships with those around us – romantic and otherwise!
So as we begin, we encourage you to get curious and ask yourself some big questions like:
- How can we, as women, maintain sexual purity and keep boundaries if we feel like our hormones are driving us crazy?
- How does a sex drive affect our relationship in dating?
- How can we continue to honour our partner within our marriage, despite these hormonal fluctuations? How can they honour us?
- If God calls our bodies “very good”(Gen 1:31), what does this mean for how we care for and understand our bodies?
References
Burgoyne, B., Awadallah, D., Walmsley, T., Chiam, J., Rapti, E., & Ohwovoriole, T. (n.d.). Hormones and sex drive. Retrieved from https://www.inne.io/en/blog/article/hormones-and-sex-drive
Cunnington, H. (2015). The Naked Truth About Sexuality. Redding, California.
Law, B. M. (2011, March 1). Hormones & desire. Monitor on Psychology, 42(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/03/hormones
Urszula M. Marcinkowska, Talia Shirazi, Magdalena Mijas & James R. Roney (2022): Hormonal Underpinnings of the Variation in Sexual Desire, Arousal and Activity Throughout the Menstrual Cycle – A Multifaceted Approach, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2022.2110558
Rhoades, G. and Stanley, S. (2023). What’s the Plan? Cohabitation, Engagement, and Divorce. Institute for Family Studies.https://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/reports/cohabitationreportapr2023-final.pdf
